0:00
that's my sister right there I say this man I really man I really appreciate
0:05
this powerful human being this person as I watch her persevere through trials and
0:11
tribulations in her personal life as well as her public life you know I have something a close place in my heart who
0:18
for people who put their lives on the line to help the lives of others I'm born and raised in Oakland California
0:24
come through from a family of people who marched you know people who are integrated and in the community and
0:30
doing things to uplift that's the kind of rearing I had so that that comes natural for me so when I see somebody in
0:37
that light right and exercising that light as you have over the years I have
0:43
nothing but honor honorable feelings for you you know yeah you aren't perfect none of us are that's right that's why
0:49
I'm glad you said that yes you are not perfect none of us are but I even love your imperfections because you still
0:56
pick up get up and you keep moving and when I read to your book I live to tell the story A Memoir of Love Legacy and
1:04
resilience I had no idea who this person is but it makes
1:11
sense to me yeah you know I've seen you stand up um to naysayers I've seen your
1:18
life threatened because you were fighting for equality you were fighting for our community I watched you guys
1:24
March I seen you stand up for figures public figures and people sit at home and complain about how you do stuff I've
1:30
seen you Indo backlash for trying to work for the people for the community
1:36
that ain't easy so some of the things I read in this book I understand what they're rooted in and I appreciate your
1:42
honesty um because it's a hard job to have what you do so I want to welcome Tama mallerie back to the show T
1:51
mallerie man she a you a jeep thank you no man I just you know
1:57
it's I when when there was a time you was receiving some backlash or something I Just For the Love of mankind yeah well
2:05
you know that happens here and there and there and here uh but I want to say first of all thank you to both you tra
2:12
you you and Tracy uh for being supportive and you know you particularly
2:17
have not just been supportive in words but you've sent your money put your resources behind us um I've even heard
2:23
that you defended Us in some rooms you know when you hear people saying things that they don't even know us but they
2:28
just seem to have so many opinions and so much judgment yes and so the partnership and uh you know what we
2:36
share as brother and sister is really important to me it's really special and it feels like home when you walk up in
2:42
this here we'll have a plate for you Heather ain't here today but we have Warth we have care
2:49
hope Heather gets well soon uhuh well she'll get well she'll get well um no
2:54
thank you for that you know and um I mentioned my my upbringing you know coming up in Oakland you were you were
3:00
Affiliated whether or adjacent to the movement whether you want it to be or not you know and uh so so were my
3:06
parents and so were your parents absolutely talk about your upbringing I I've been telling folks that my parents
3:13
are super black they still super black they wear dashiki sweatsuits
3:19
like they still have the ones that they had from when they were young but on the serious side uh my parents have been
3:27
like black history month for us is 365 days of the year um you know in our in
3:32
our home there's statues you know there's art there's black art that comes from all over the world so they raised
3:40
me in the movement they raised me understanding who I am and not just who I am but my
3:46
responsibility uh not to just become successful for myself but to ensure that at every step of the way I am raising my
3:54
voice and opening doors for other people and so uh you know it's this is not this was wasn't something that I learned in a
4:01
textbook I learned it through lives lived experience for sure what if you I
4:07
mean was it what you wanted to do did you feel like okay that's what I want to be I wanted to be married to a drug
4:14
dealer that was your dream yeah that was it I right I wanted to be married to a drug dealer I was watching belly and New
4:21
Jack City and all of that I wanted the Pelle Pelle jacket with the Big Bamboo earrings I used to get 5411s I did
4:30
know I had those they they were like right we got to get that but for the most part those people were like you
4:35
wear these penny loafers okay and you going to put this skirt down to your knees we're not going outside you know
4:42
being what I wanted to be uh because I lived in the projects and I think that's one of the contradictions that a lot of
4:49
parents have to deal with with their kids that they're growing up in a particular environment and you are going
4:55
to be influenced by your environment most parents are just doing the best they could so I was raised in a housing
5:01
projects in Harlem called manhattanville so that was culture it was we was outside you know and5th Street was down
5:08
the street and you know crant projects was across the street they were much Wilder over there than we were
5:13
manhattanville was like slight like almost condo is um but still uh you know
5:19
I walked through my community and I saw young people who had all you know maybe
5:24
parents that weren't even home they were just doing whatever they wanted to do many of them so I that cuz I was like
5:30
damn like I always got to go to a rally got to go to church dragging me to stuff where I got to listen to people talk
5:37
folks got you know these you talking about bamboo earrings they had wooden earrings like you know the fist the
5:44
Black Fist and all of that and I was like this is horrible I felt like I was in prison but I thank God that my
5:51
parents did that they fought me to help me you know they struggled with me to
5:57
put me in the position that I'm in today uh and I I'm I'm I'm just so glad that if I knew if I was like in there in my
6:04
mother's stomach and I knew that this was going to be the experience perhaps I would have I wouldn't have given them so
6:09
much so many problems along the way you know it have been a little easier so I was a handful as you can find in this
6:17
book all right Tama mallerie is is here bestselling author social activist
6:23
social justice leader award winning y movement strategist all the things all
6:29
the you got a lot of these things um that you talk about um in this in this book that I I did not have any idea of
6:36
you talk about love Legacy and resilience when did you first fall in
6:42
love who was it with oh man falling in love Jesus I mean I don't know I think
6:48
that I fell in love with my child when he was born that's probably when I first knew what it felt like not to have the
6:56
parental love for my parents but like loving somebody else and knowing that I had to get my together so that I
7:03
could take care of him properly because as I said I was a disaster up until that
7:09
point but when my son was born I changed a lot um I I was raised in an environment where you didn't even put
7:15
your kids clothes in the washing machine at a baby you know newborn babies you had to wash it by hand so I didn't even
7:22
know that putting it in the washing machine was a thing I just was raised a certain way and I I started out as a
7:28
parent trying to do do that and trying to do it the right way so I would say my son was my first first real love and to
7:34
some degree I think I loved his father okay very much so that was my guy you
7:40
know we grew up together um but there was a lot of pain in that relationship
7:45
because of things that he went through in his life we were a lot we we had the same type of family in terms of my my
7:53
mother and father and his grandparents both married long time living in the same building and City and I got to see
8:02
in homes the family you know same thing same Valu same frying chicken you know
8:08
the whole thing at the eating at the table you know taking care of all the kids grandparents in that house were
8:15
stable individuals but his mother and father were Perpetual drug abusers okay
8:21
they never got the help that now we hear about you know this is a public health crisis and we're going to help people no
8:28
they sent them to to and they never got the help that they needed to deal with whatever their
8:33
mental health issues were and so his mom ended up passing away his grandfa his
8:39
father my son's grandfather is still alive great man um and you know has has
8:45
overcome his challenges but the problem with Jason and I was that I really didn't know what that looked like and so
8:51
I got involved with a man who was dealing with extreme trauma um and therefore it made him at times abusive
8:58
to you know to me and to himself and I was abusive right on back so let's not again not perfect I used to set it off
9:05
and start the what does that mean though set it off like paint that picture give me example you I mean you know I well I
9:11
I was definitely a hitter so you know and and some of it was that I was worried about him hitting me first so
9:18
then I would just you know haul off and knock him and hit him or whatever and just get things started I also was just
9:25
immature you know first of all when you're 16 and years old you have no
9:30
business being in a damn near marriage with somebody cuz you have no tools at
9:36
all to survive in those types of relationships and so we were way too deep like you know every waking moment
9:44
of the day he and I were together then I I moved out of my parents house at 17 um
9:50
and moved in with him that made the situation worse because there was no space between us it was just on top of
9:56
one another all the time and there was a lot of frustration with that we didn't have the resources we needed to take
10:02
care of ourselves every time he got paid on his job he had to put the money back into the household so we just fought all
10:08
the time it was just always drama but U but you know also he had other things
10:14
that he was dealing with because his parents his grandparents were the best ever his grandmother's still alive today
10:21
I still call her mommy she's amazing however when you don't have your mother and father it's nothing that
10:28
other people can do to make that go away you know he he knew and then I would
10:33
imagine being around me he sees that I have my parents and he never had a chance to really be with his parents for
10:41
an extended period of time because they were both in and out of prison so that impacted him and it impacted how he
10:48
behaved I realized that as I got older when we were younger I didn't know what the hell that looked like you know you
10:54
wer you weren't equipped at all yeah at all at all you know and so uh so he
10:59
acted a certain way he probably needed Ser no not probably he definitely needed serious therapy to help him with his
11:07
issues he did not have that um and so you know things just it was tough but I
11:12
truly truly did love him you know he was my guy for sure and then he and then his
11:18
life was taken and then he was murdered um my son's father was let me see Jason
11:23
I don't know how old he was but I know it's been 22 or 23 years now yeah uh
11:28
where he was hanging out with these two guys because he also since he didn't want to follow his parents rule his
11:35
grandparents rules he suffered with homelessness uh you know he bounced from home to home trying to figure out his
11:42
way and there were two guys that he got involved with and they they were in
11:47
Pennsylvania they were selling weed um and so he some I guess he left for the
11:53
weekend or whatever they all left and they came to New York City for the weekend and while they were away the the
11:59
safe that had the weed in it was stolen and so these two guys were brothers and
12:05
they immediately blamed him um as if he had somebody set them up while they were
12:10
gone so they beat him for an a full day from light out toight they had him in
12:17
the home in the house they beat him all of this came out in in court later on he was tortured for the whole day they had
12:24
other people come over to the house to keep him from getting out cuz Jason was a big guy and he could fight so they had
12:29
to subdue him basically and then in the end of the day when you know he had he
12:35
maintained that he didn't have the drugs um they said well uh you know okay we
12:41
going to take you to the hospital cuz they they beat him with a hammer like he really really suffered the photos that
12:47
came out in court there was blood splattered around um the the the house all everywhere just terrible scene and
12:54
so at the end of the day they promised to take him to the hospital uh once it got dark but instead they took him to a
13:01
field like an embankment and they shot him twice and threw him over and he got caught on a branch uh several days later
13:10
about a week later a woman was walking her dog and the dog started barking and
13:15
she looked over to see what was going on and she could see his shoe like he was hanging off of the branch and that's
13:21
where he was for over a week so by the time he was discovered his body was completely decomposed uh we never got a
13:28
chance to see him the only only thing that he had on him that we were able to identify was this happened in April my
13:35
son's birthday is March 26 he had just gotten a tattoo on his neck for my son's
13:40
second birthday of my son's name and that's what they show that's the only picture that they were able to show us
13:47
of him yeah we say his name three times Jason Ryan Jason Ryan Jason Ryan let him
13:53
rest in peace and power man wow I didn't realize all that my goodness I'm a parent I'm I'm sorry I'm going to let
13:59
you um jump in but as I'm thinking about this and I think about our community and
14:04
how many friends I've had yeah die yeah or be murdered I always think about the parent
14:13
and the other siblings you know or the children how did you break this news and
14:20
and and this could be helpful for a lot of people in our community that there's always mothers and fathers losing their
14:27
kids or kids losing their parents how did you break this to your son so you
14:33
know he is very close to his other family um and well to our family we're all one family and I think that and and
14:40
I'm glad you said that because I'm sure as they listen to this it hurts like as I'm sitting here I'm just thinking damn
14:46
that's a story man wow you know I I I want to also just make sure to say not only did I love Jason I know he loved me
14:53
okay and he loved both of his sons very very much he was a good dude he was um
14:58
and so um you know I I'm I don't really know because I never by the time my son
15:04
is old enough for us to have these conversations now I'm in my career which I also talk about in this book how in
15:12
some ways it it really was a strain on the relationship with my child because I was gone a lot so I don't remember ever
15:19
sitting down with the details with him first I believe it was his aunt Chantel
15:25
who's like a little sister to me she was Jason's baby sister and so she became you know that's my girl still right now
15:33
and I think she was the person who told him many of the details of what happened
15:38
with his father the other part is that this was public it's all in the news in fact you talk about the death threats
15:45
and things that uh you know have have happened to me one of the worst things that ever happened was someone sent me a
15:53
picture of Jason in the body bag and said you going to be just like your baby father
15:59
so that was like a horrible thing so that and to me that probably is law enforcement right because how do you get
16:05
those pictures right um but so you know this is public information because there
16:10
was a real trial it went on for a while and in fact uh every year for a long
16:16
time uh we would have an opportunity as a family to write into the courts about
16:22
you know whether they should release these guys or not or what have you I been I dropped off of that process a long time ago because as I have come
16:29
into my own I understand the challenges on both sides of the gun you know and so
16:35
I I don't believe that having people locked away forever is the ant the key but my son used to write a letter along
16:41
with his family however he felt they helped him to do all of that so that's where he got a lot of information from
16:47
and then as he got older he was able to Google because you can just research story information and so then we had a
16:53
conversation and I I but I try to focus on cuz I noticed that he's always wanted
16:59
to know who is who was Jason like what does he look like feel like so that was
17:05
more so what I would Gap I like that approach too cuz that humanizes his
17:12
father who isn't there in the physical right very important Tama many of us
17:17
grew up in households and I'm speaking specifically about black folks where the
17:22
rule whether unspoken or hella vocalized was what happens in this house stays in
17:28
this house right you do not have any permission slip signed to express pain that may
17:35
come at the hands of your parents or confusion with family Dynamics it's almost like we're
17:42
overprotected but then there's fine print to that oh yeah right because that can further I don't know intensify the
17:51
trauma Etc but you from hearing you share about Jason the ability to express
17:57
this public to publicly to us and even I was telling you when you walked in the generosity of the life experiences and
18:04
the anecdotes that you shared in this book have you always been this open was
18:09
this something that you had to kind of teach yourself yeah well I'll say this
18:15
my family they're not really I mean they're very private and very proud people however they have no problem uh
18:23
telling you what's going on especially if they think that it's going to help somebody else my mom is especially honey
18:29
she'll tell you in a minute oh let me tell you what I've been through let me tell you about the situations that happened in my life I have a lot of girl
18:36
friends who um you know they they come to me and they like yo I was talking to your mom I'm like you talked to my mom
18:42
how you know when did you talk to my mom but she will sit down with anybody and
18:48
help to prepare them and my father also they're leaders you know my parents are their Community leaders so they know
18:54
that their experiences coming from the south uh humble beginnings working way up finding one another uh working their
19:01
way up and and and being able to sustain now this Legacy that they've built they know that there's power in that story
19:09
but the trauma yes it's been it's hard I had a conversation with Jason's family
19:14
and with my family prior to finishing the book as I was going through the book
19:20
there were Parts where it got to be so difficult even for me and the young woman Audrey who helped me to write she
19:27
would even break down and be like like wow this is a lot for today we just had to stop it just was a lot um and so at
19:33
one point I tell a story about um a moment where I was in an apartment I I
19:39
thought I was like hanging out with a guy friend he asked me to go home with him to his apartment we were going to
19:45
watch movies and stuff like that happened all the time you know the '90s that's what you did and um when I got to
19:52
his apartment there was several boys in the house and I and and he had a pitbull
19:57
I before before that my sister was um she was bit by a pitbull so I I have
20:03
always had a phobia or whatever fear of dogs so when I saw this pit bull I was
20:09
already nervous but I went on in the room and we were kind of hanging out and these four boys obviously made up their
20:16
mind that they were going to run a train on me and so um so they came in and out of the
20:21
room for some I don't know I don't know how long it was but it felt like all day where they kept each one coming in out
20:28
trying to talk me into taking off my clothes and you know and and all of the things and I didn't want to do it and I
20:35
kept saying no no no and then it started to get more aggressive and then all of a sudden a woman's voice is in the house
20:41
and she opens the door and looks at me and says to her son who she never looks at she just looks at me and says what
20:48
are what are you doing what is this little girl doing in my house get this girl out of here but she's looking at me
20:54
the whole time um and that particular experience and I was able to get out
20:59
right like she helped me she saved me and the reason why she's looking at me is like it was an unspoken thing between
21:04
us like I know you're scared you know and um writing that story reliving that
21:10
I talk about how I when I went home I ran home and I walked right past my
21:15
father he had no idea what was going on I went into the bathroom and I cried and
21:20
cried and cried cried harder than I've ever been able to cry actually I've never really gotten over that experience
21:26
even till now and I was you know obviously younger um and and I knew when
21:31
he read it my dad that this was going to hurt him a lot just to know that that had happened to me that I never ever
21:38
ever told anybody about it um and so I called him to and my father and mother
21:44
and my sister and everybody and I said listen this book is not going to be easy to get through it's going to be really
21:50
hard and it's a lot of stuff that I'm talking about in here that you all don't know about and I know my mother probably
21:55
say I could whoop your ass right now I right back right now I can get a switch
22:01
on you right now um but uh but and my father hasn't said anything to me about
22:07
it but I he did tell my sister it was tough to read all of this and then with Jason's family it was similar and in
22:14
fact his sister Chantel she had a little bit of anxiety like damn cuz she know
22:19
the story she was there when we was throwing down she like oh boy you going to you know tell all of these things and
22:25
you going to talk about you know his death which I don't think they've ever really been able to get over it was horrific you know and so I I did inform
22:32
them of what was going to happen but nothing prepares you for when you actually have the book in your hands and
22:37
you're reading the words of course you've done an awesome job with this book Thank you thank you so much my gosh
22:44
we could go on and on right I I'm curious you know you got the the epilogue in the book is called it's
22:51
titled you can't break my soul MH right let's talk about what that means to you
22:57
and I think it means to you is applicable to what we've been seeing in this country absolutely in and for years
23:04
especially when it pertains to how the treatment of black women absolutely right know it so can you speak to that
23:09
epilogue yeah so you know what I've been through I mean obviously there have been many periods of judgment and persecution
23:18
if you will but the women's March was probably the moment where I suffered the most um and you know when you are trying
23:26
to work with ESP especially uh working with white women who haven't done the
23:31
work many of those white women they just jumped up and was like we got to March because when Donald Trump became
23:37
president the first time they were just horrified you know they had voted for Hillary Clinton some most of them of the
23:44
women that I worked with uh they had voted for Hillary Clinton but they had not done the work of asking their mother
23:50
and their grandmother and their sisters who you voting for exactly and they forgot that part right uh and they were
23:57
just so shocked that there was all of this uh racism and sexism and all of
24:03
that you know they they didn't know anything about it and the problem with that is as a black woman when you
24:08
integrate into those types of spaces you are automatically going to deal with that these individuals while they may be
24:16
in the cause for a particular goal that we can we share they still don't know
24:21
that their white tears can harm you dangerously right everybody's so hurt
24:26
anything you say you're walking on eggshells and the world is going to believe them whether they're telling the
24:33
truth about their experiences or not exceptional branding I mean no matter
24:38
what even if it's in it's unintentional line like right like they just oh she's
24:43
she hurt my feelings um and it may be that I was just telling the truth yeah
24:49
they're going to make that a thing and the world is going to side with them so that happened every day 10 times a day
24:57
right and it ended being so bad that I think uh when people outside of our
25:04
bubble of the women's March got a chance to see oh I could I know where there may
25:09
be tension and points that they won't be able to work together they won't get through this together so we're going to
25:16
amplify the differences and the problems and we'll watch it all crumble um but it
25:21
didn't just crumble it crumbled on the backs of women of color in the organization and I as a black woman
25:29
suffered extremely um to the point of me you know
25:34
take started I started taking um Xanax at first trying to sleep and rest and
25:41
next thing you know I was on perco setes and uh then it became an addiction I was taking 20 to 30 pills a day and I had to
25:47
go to rehab uh so much love to my brother Jason Williams the NBA Allstar
25:53
as we know he suffered with his own challenges and now he is deeply immersed in the healing space and when I found
26:00
that out about him I called him and I'm like oh Jason my friend needs some help he let me make that call about three
26:07
times we talked about my friend and finally Jason's like man stop don't you know I don't have time to waste I know
26:13
the issues I get it you need some help let's get it together before something happens to you that you can't take back
26:19
you know and I took that from him I understand because what he went through was something that he can't take back
26:25
you know the issues that he dealt with so he helped me Rachel nordlinger who you know my home girl uh she took me to
26:32
rehab dropped me off I was crying and they had a dog in the reab and I couldn't I was like
26:38
damn trauma I got to stay in one area in here
26:44
that dog didn't pay me attention at all the whole time he's like you don't like me I don't care I don't like you you
26:50
don't like me dog you're not we're not here for that reason um and so you know
26:55
I got through that but that's what I mean by you won't bring break my soul because I knew I was going to die right
27:01
like 20 30 pills you got to you it's only a matter of time you know you're not saying it like I no I would never
27:06
tell anybody I was suicidal but if you slip out in the middle of the night hey
27:11
it's so it's cool whatever God says that's that's kind of how I saw it um and after you know getting myself
27:18
together getting back on my feet because you have to reme imagine that I went down to nothing I had no speaking
27:25
engagements you know they had labeled me a hater of everybody I was everything you could think of people didn't like me
27:33
okay and the media was saying that I was done I was you know controversial in a
27:38
very very bad way I was mislabeled um and even people black
27:44
folks who I worked with and thought that they would defend me and stand with me
27:49
they ran away from me you know people sto inviting me to things people stop you I wasn't on the list anymore for all
27:55
the stuff so I don't care what you say some people would say oh damn those list and damn all of that when you work as
28:01
hard as I've worked and I was a writer for Essence I was in Ebony magazine
28:07
often um I was speaking everywhere going back and forth to the White House working with Erica Ford and at Mitchell
28:14
and really making a difference which by the way all of them were like we still got to work so y'all don't know what
28:19
your problems are get yourself together and come back to the battlefield cuz there's still people getting shot
28:25
there's still things happening every day we need you to come back to where they never ever wavered you know those people
28:31
it they know what it is but there were other people who I just expected I had served with them and I thought they
28:37
would stand up for me so when you go through all of that I don't if you're human you're going to feel it and it
28:43
impacted me so I'm coming out of rehab not knowing which direction to travel in
28:49
where I'm going to go what I'm going to do and I thought I was going to die I just didn't think I was going to make it I didn't even know if I wanted to make
28:54
it I just I feel like I that's it and um and I did so you can't break me you
29:00
can't break you you can't break you Tama you can't be broken come on the bottom
29:06
give her a round of applause I want everybody to read this book Thank you thank you hope you I want it to be a I
29:14
wanted this conversation to be about you who your introspective what's happened
29:19
to you personally not just the events and the moments the Milestone moments um
29:25
that people may know you for we don't hear what happens we just see you on stage speaking in such a powerful way
29:33
but we don't we don't know know what's going on behind yeah I talk about in the book too like you know my makeup stayed
29:39
done my grandmother always used to say whatever you going through put some lipstick on and go out there and you know keep it stepping and so I did that
29:47
but a lot of times the lipstick the makeup the clothes was covering a lot of pain and um you know and so I'm glad I
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got to free myself the the day of my release was the same day that Nelson
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Mandela was released from 27 years of captivity and we didn't know it uh no
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one on the team ever said it it was not it wasn't planned but I found this out in my comment section because a woman
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wrote wow your book is coming out on the same day that Nelson Mandela was released and I sat with that thing that
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it was in the morning early before I even got my day started and I said come on God that you would put those two
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things togethering powerful that is so I feel free I feel
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like there are so many possibilities for where I can go and I also understand um
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you know it's almost like God continuously reminds me of my calling cuz I got this book it's cute I'm like
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yeah I'm going to go off and be an author here I go once again finding a way to like be like I did my work in the
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movement I could go do something else and then I find the Nelson Mandela fact right and it's like it's as if God is
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telling me it's for such a time as this that you are still called to show up in
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this movement because this country is in serious serious trouble and we are going
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to have to fight like we've never fought before so I've given you this story and these experiences to teach you and give
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you wisdom so you can fight harder and better and be smarter about your fight in the
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future that's love I love it and as you go along as you're learning you're
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teaching too yes thank God thank God for that Tama mallerie man get the book citizens come on I live to tell the
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story A Memoir of Love Legacy and resilience proud of you keep going you
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got it all right love you too