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Dr. Cheyenne Bryant: Heal Through Your Pain 💡 | SWAY’S UNIVERSE
Apr 16, 2025
Unlock the power of healing and transformation with this incredible interview on Sway In The Morning featuring Dr. Cheyenne Bryant, an acclaimed psychology expert, life coach, and president of the NAACP in LA. In this exclusive interview, Dr. Bryant shares her inspiring journey from brokenness to breakthrough, discussing how to heal through pain, build emotional intelligence, and foster healthier relationships. Dive into impactful conversations about self-love, overcoming trauma, and her unique concept of being your "vertical self." Dr. Bryant also opens up about her upbringing, the lessons learned from her father, and how those experiences shaped her mission to inspire and guide others. This episode is packed with wisdom, tools for personal growth, and honest reflections that will resonate with anyone seeking to better themselves and their relationships. Don’t miss this empowering discussion that’s as raw as it is uplifting. Subscribe for more exclusive interviews and meaningful conversations from Sway In The Morning. Explore the journey, gain new perspectives, and join the Sway’s Universe community today! #SwayInTheMorning #DrCheyenneBryant #MentalDetox #HealingThroughPain #EmotionalIntelligence #selfimprovement #lifecoach #emotionalintegration #mentalhealth #selfcompassion CHAPTERS: 05:33 - Being Vertical: Embracing Life 09:53 - How to Love Yourself: Self-Care Tips 12:28 - Healthy Relationships: Taste of Connection 15:36 - Humiliation Kink: Exploring Boundaries 23:21 - Halftime Show: Mid-Point Reflection 27:30 - Audience Tools: Practical Steps for Growth 32:48 - Caller: Nico - Alcoholism Struggles 42:10 - Mona: Personal Journey 43:42 - Jose: Unique Perspective 46:20 - Growing Up in LA: Nico's Story 49:07 - Dr. Cheyenne’s Dad’s Advice: Wisdom Shared
View Video Transcript
0:00
that voice permeates Tracy G mhm I watched the vibration of that voice make me feel better just watching this person
0:07
online yeah I can't I can't forget the first time I discovered her and heard
0:12
her speaking so powerfully and so assured with so much experience and it
0:17
was so refreshing because I discovered her on social media and and I happen to
0:23
not like to go on social media much cuz I don't feel well after after I experienc soci media but I
0:30
said to myself here's a person who's extremely gifted extremely talented who's been through an amazing journey
0:38
and live to tell the story but utilizing the story as a tool a tool for
0:43
understanding a tool for healing and when she speaks she doesn't speak to individuals I feel like she's speaking
0:49
to us yes and for that I really appreciate her uh she's a world renowned
0:54
psych a psychology expert life coach the president of the NAACP in La she's the
1:00
founder of the Dr Bryant Institute and she even has her own street named after her crazy I want to welcome her to the
1:07
show for the first out of many times give it up for the one and only Dr Cheyenne Bryant is here man come on man
1:15
building up in the building so PR to have you yes thank you for having me I
1:20
want to say listen sway there was a time when we thought you didn't have the answers yo yeah but now we know
1:30
if you say it you got the ANW you got the
1:35
an that's how you know it's the truth the good doctor she don't she tells no lies I said sway got the answers and I
1:43
believe I do too so I got to I got to get on this show you got the answers come on come on but see your my your
1:48
answers are well studied well researched yeah documented and degreed my my
1:55
answers just come from wherever my experiences lie but I appreciate the fact that you utilize your voice the way
2:02
that you do you know and I'm curious to before it became before you became a
2:07
celebrity what what made you want to speak out to us like this you didn't have to do that you could have kept it
2:13
private but you're speaking out to a whole public platform what made you decide to do that cuz I'm just I'm a
2:18
little girl from the hood I'm a little girl from the inner city who worked her
2:24
ass off and was very determined and tenacious to do two things make it out and make my family proud and and so when
2:30
you come from a place of Brokenness you come from a place of a certain environment that is meant to shape you
2:36
in a way um that I was in disagreement with and I was able to find peace from
2:42
my broken pieces I was able to navigate it and get to a place of healing um I
2:48
just knew then that God didn't give me that to keep what he moves through us he gives to us but not for us to keep and I
2:55
said God listen I'm going to commit to myself and to you that I'm going to give everything I have to make so that every
3:00
person that looks like me and look like me doesn't only mean race I'm talking about a broken person looks like me no
3:06
matter what the race or gender is I'm talking about a little girl whether she's black brown or or indifferent who
3:12
has experienced abandonment like me she looks like me pain that looks like me is what I want to talk to um I do address
3:19
and advocate for the black community I say that on a Mountaintop but I talk to pain so whoever has pain is who I'm
3:26
speaking to and so when I was able to take my pain and not make perfection but really get to a place of sense of self
3:31
be vertical in who I am and understand that if I want to be loved unconditionally I got to do what I call
3:37
the Superwoman or Superman effect I got to open all the way up and I got to say look at me there's moving Parts about me
3:43
that I love there's moving Parts about me that you know I don't like too much and there's some of these moving parts that's going to tear your ass a new one
3:48
if we get into a relationship and my trauma happens to be activated but I know one thing I'm valuable enough I'm
3:55
worthy enough to have someone love me through that to help me get through it so since I know that I want to do that
4:01
with other people and show them that look I love you through your pain I may have to take you in dosage or touch and
4:06
go but you're worthy brother of me saying look I know you're having a moment you having a trauma episode I
4:12
don't have to detach but I can give you a moment I don't have to add salt or to your wound I could see you I see you
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like I see your pain I see you I got you I can facilitate you hold space for you
4:26
I don't have to unplug from you and when you talk to people's pain name you talk to the person yeah you're not talking to
4:33
your idea of them the fairy tale of them and you're not talking to their mask when I said that to this brother I'm not
4:38
saying he was but he got emotional I could feel it I could see it because people want to be seen sway yeah they
4:45
want to be loved they want to know regardless of if I pivot left or pivot right you got
4:51
me you got ST power can you commit to me can you hold space can I trust you
4:57
forget trusting to cheat can I trust you to be there mhm can I trust you to have my back having my back is that and so
5:04
with that I think our community is so used to sabotage and we're so used of not knowing how to facilitate trauma
5:11
that we look at trauma and talks it as a way of oh we all got to go heal in our corner and then once we heal let's find
5:18
each other right but that's why we're all Islands because we're never going to heal we're never going to be perfect so we're never going to find each other so
5:24
what a at what point do we help do I help you find you and through helping you find you guess who I find yourself
5:30
come on man so come on man I like this um I and I hear you talk I've heard you
5:35
speak two things i' I often hear you use the term my vertical self I want to be
5:42
my vertical self yeah can you explain that to the audience what does that mean yeah and this is the thing being
5:48
vertical and this is why I get on our our our community so much about these
5:53
broken houses and broken families because being vertical is something that comes from a childhood it comes from a
5:59
home home and it comes from parents who teach you that your trauma is not too much your issues aren't too much your
6:07
opinions aren't too much there is discipline and you might get that ass tapped if you go outside of what
6:12
discipline is to that parent but I love you right and that teaches a person
6:18
who's a child to grow up like myself and have what is Extreme self-love that self-love and gives you value that makes
6:25
you vertical in who you are which means you don't live in Dogma so so like I came into this whole Celebrity Status
6:32
world not by choice but obviously God's Will and there's you know many people who love me and you got the the small
6:39
handful of people who don't like it they don't like accountability or they just don't like what I'm saying so I always
6:45
say mama some days I wake up they love me some days I wake up they don't but every damn day I love myself and thank
6:51
you so much because my mother my grandmother my parents my father they instilled in me that you are enough mhm
6:59
M and when I was going through my abandonment as a little girl my grandmother who raised me she never made
7:04
me feel like you're too aggressive you're too angry you're too frustrated she just said baby I understand I'm not
7:11
your mom but I'm giving you everything I got I can't take your mama's place you know but I got you I I remember I was an
7:18
angry child I got kicked out of the school district because of my abandonment issues and things that I was experiencing from neglect U my mom was
7:25
you know um addicted to the drug that my father sold and I was going to school one day 10th grade and I always dressed
7:31
really cute this day I put on sweats cuz I knew what time it was pulled up to the school Sway and my grandmother she's a g
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she went to drop me off she looked at me she said now I didn't even tell her anything was going on she looked at me she said baby you want me to go in with
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you I swear to Gody and I looked at her and I said I said n Ma I got it she said
7:50
all right but but if you change your mind I'mma phone call away this is what I mean by being vertical mhm and
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allowing me to feel what I felt process what I felt mhm and even emotions she
8:02
didn't understand she held space for me she facilitated me and so all I do is
8:08
hold space for people to get in contact with their emotions and build a good relationship with how they feel the
8:15
reason why folks lack emotional intelligence isn't because of the other person it's because they don't have a
8:20
good relationship with emotions and so if emotions never served me and I get into a relationship with you and then
8:28
now I got to feel something you think I'm staying or am I sabotaging am I
8:33
flighting I can't commit to that if I can't even process and sit in my own
8:38
emotion because emotions never work for me because the time that I felt for a lot of people the time that a lot of people have felt their father left them
8:45
the time that they felt their mother left them the time that they felt they might have been getting beat the time that they felt they might have been getting sexually abused and so if you
8:52
associate emotion to abuse then what do you think happens when you fall in the healthy love you also become triggered
8:59
as that abuse right and people who don't know that will sabotage and then the partner will say but I'm loving you with
9:05
everything I have you loving me loving that person out of 10 but that person is only receptive out of two so is that a
9:12
them problem or a you problem that's a them problem they don't feel lovable so if if I'm being loved at a 10 and I only
9:19
could receive a two and I don't have the awareness to say to you sway you love the hell out of me I've Never Been Loved
9:27
like this I want to be loved like this but I'm at a two baby I apologize but
9:33
can you hold space and facilitate me while I get up to maybe eight or a nine because I want to receive all it but the
9:38
things I've gone through my trauma aren't allowing me to be lovable see those are conversations that we have to
9:43
have with people but how do you have them if you don't have the awareness if you don't have the awareness Dr Brian is here but how does that happen if you
9:50
I've heard you speak of the importance of a partner loving you as a whole person even when you're going through your Evolution or or parts that may be
9:56
insecure if I'm a man um how can I practice that I love that um Solitude
10:05
not isolation we have a whole culture of isolated people isolation breathes
10:11
depression and people are like isolate to elevate no you can separate to elevate for moments you don't isolate
10:19
isolation is deflection isolation means you're deflecting from something you don't want to face mm when you going to
10:25
have to face it at some point avoidance now Solitude is where matur grows
10:30
Solitude is where emotional intelligence becomes strengthened Solitude is where you gain a sense of self as a man
10:35
awareness so as a man the only way you can learn to love me effectively is if you learn to love who yourself yourself
10:43
MH and if you are a black man who's fatherless that means that every time you look in the mirror you see the
10:50
father you never had because you are a product of him so if this father you never had is is is a person who
10:57
abandoned you he's a AO he's no good he's he's a nothing a n i g g h because
11:02
you can't understand why he left you I don't care if you're age 16 or 55 a
11:08
fatherless boy is a fatherless boy and that boy shows up at age 55 45 until you
11:13
get into them pain Pockets face that heal that and say you know what I'm not my father let me disassociate myself
11:20
from him because what happens is you can't love me you can't love your woman cuz you don't love yourself because you
11:26
see him in you and you see him in every other black men you come in contact with so guess what yeah you resentful toward
11:33
black men and don't even know it yeah you got a problem with other black men and don't even know it so now we got
11:38
black onblack crime and black- onblack crime isn't just murder black-on-black crime is two black men who can't get
11:43
along who can't agree to disagree who can't just support each other as brothers because they got this father
11:49
and daddy issues that they're unaware of and they're thinking that they're healed because they either got an education
11:56
Accolade money power or I'm going to go further excuse my language are [Â __Â ] M and none of them make you healed all of
12:02
those are all Aesthetics tangible things you can replace the things you can't replace are the things you're not
12:08
getting which is substance real relationships plugging into people cuz we all know relationships will get you
12:13
indoors that money and never buy we know that Dr Brian here man I'm G send you
12:22
some give me an invoice invoice it's about to turn into a session right now
12:27
right right right well you talk about like um when I think about um trying to
12:33
get into a healthier relationship sometimes I liken it to trying to eat healthier right and when you first start
12:40
trying to eat healthier it has way less flavor you know is that true too when
12:46
you're trying to move into healthier relationships you eating healthy food people a I don't like the way it tastes
12:51
but you know it's good for you yeah is there a correlation with that in healthy relationships 100% And the correlation
12:58
is food May taste nasty but becoming a healthy person gets
13:03
lonely and that's where the Solitude ends up being what loneliness
13:10
turns into but you got to sit in that space long enough for what for those
13:15
feelings to pass through I always say we're supposed to feel like this
13:21
surrender mode hands up when feelings come through we're supposed to let them pass through what do people do anger
13:27
depression and they clamp on that that whatever feeling you clamp on is a feeling you get to hold on to and so
13:33
while you're going through your healing Journey it's going to get lonely because as the Bible says whatever can be shaken what going to be shaken and whatever
13:39
can't won't so as you're healing and you're evolving your fruit starts to look different your your your your
13:46
planting starts to look different watering of your seeds look different and so if you're growing different
13:51
branches that certain fruit that were too heavy that can't hold when you shake
13:57
those things do what they fall off and it gets lonely and just like different seasons when you get into fall
14:03
trees are empty empty my we have a whole yard full of cherry tree every tree you could
14:10
think of in our in our yard of our house every fall my mother wants to cut down all the trees cuz there's nothing on
14:17
them and I say mama but spring comes and summer comes and our cherries
14:23
Blossom like crazy our fig tree blossoms like crazy our apple tree we got to let this go
14:30
through their season as the yard looks ugly and funky because the next season comes and it's absolutely beautiful the
14:37
birds are chirping the butterflies are flying and so that is what our growth process looks like it got lonely for me
14:43
as well I had a fire people I didn't have to cut off friendships they fell off because God shook the tree and you
14:50
were engaged I was engaged I caught off I caught off two weddings I caught off my last engagement six years ago uh but
14:56
understood that um that was was God's Will and that was me entering to a
15:03
different stage and season of my world and that's when things got extremely lonely they even got a little dark I
15:09
even got mad at God people don't like to admit that that we go through Seasons where we're like you know we mad at God
15:16
and it was because God was bringing me closer to myself so I really wasn't mad at him I was mad at the things that I
15:21
was seeing in myself that I knew how to be shift healed and changed Dr Brian is here man Dr Brian
15:29
baby calling her her first name 888 742 3345 phone lines are lit up
15:36
Tracy Dr Bryant can we speak about I would say a a niche form of pleasure
15:44
that's getting a lot of public attention right now humiliation Kinks and there are some very public
15:53
facing relationships that many people are speculating as a display of
15:59
humiliation Kink and for any listener that's unfamiliar I would Define it as
16:04
someone who is orchestrating um their partner to be publicly embarrassed or
16:11
exposed so that they can derive a sense of satisfaction but on the flip side the
16:18
concern is is something a consensual Kink or is something a showing of a
16:26
power imbalance that can be unhealthy also if someone is involved in
16:33
a relationship like that how can they do so while still honoring their own
16:39
autonomy and well-being well anything that's not consensual is obviously not honoring
16:45
somebody and I always say relationships are subjective those two subjects design the relationship they want and so if
16:52
humiliation Kink is something that two people agree to I think they also have to figure out what are the rules of
16:57
engagement MH right what are the rules of what we're agreeing to um but once it gets to a place of humiliation and that
17:03
person isn't okay that's just disrespect and now you broke a commitment and and and for me
17:09
relationships aren't about again societal constructs they're about what did you and I commit to do or not do
17:16
yeah and if that means public affection to humiliate each other and it turns us on Hey by all means for me I think
17:21
that's a little absurb I wouldn't um advocate for that and I damn sure
17:26
wouldn't want someone to do that to me I mean into some kinky stuff but I you know I don't want I don't want my kinky
17:32
stuff to be you know everybody's not privy to the things I do you know cuz I think they so you do draw a line on what
17:38
you may discuss private or publicly you know what that's a good
17:43
question um because I don't believe I draw a line with what I would discuss
17:49
pertaining to myself okay personally but I'm single but if when I do get a
17:55
husband or get back into a relationship that would be something I discuss with him I would say baby how much are you
18:01
okay with me discussing I asked my mother how much about your addiction are you okay with me discussing cuz now
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she's sober 10 years sober I asked my father before he passed how much of your street stuff your dope dealing are you
18:13
okay with me so I think it's about respect it's all about communication yeah I'm not listen love is me making
18:20
sure that I'm doing things that are speaking your language things are not that are not going to dismantle you now
18:26
if my husband says baby go all balls out I'm cool with it I mean I probably would be very open about speaking about
18:32
whatever we do especially if it's going to change a life or give a tool for someone to have wise counsel in their
18:37
marriage I'm an open book and so I usually date men who are a
18:44
little more reserved than I am but I also believe that's because that's what I'm attracted to I don't like a a man
18:49
who's the he's the you know the center of attention and he's you know chatty chansy and he just has to be the the
18:56
life of the party I like the guy sits his down somewhere and knows how to just be a man get you a drink and chill out
19:02
and then tell me when it's time to go and I'll let you know if I'm ready I don't need you work in the room what's
19:08
that that I don't need you work in the room handing her a drink I see what you did there you
19:14
happen to be S yeah I like I prefer that so my thing
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is um and I am I'm always that's where I'm a hybrid at yeah hybrid which is Alpha submissive because I am Al sub
19:27
Alpha submissive it's a hybrid and I um which is you know the new word they're using now since I said it castar use it
19:33
on her interview with SH she's like I'm a hybrid wait Alpha submissive I know you said that Dr B but my point of
19:39
saying that is meaning I'm Alpha when it comes to business in the Border Room when it comes to running my company when
19:45
it comes to those things but I am fully submissive when it comes to my man to the point where you know my ex fiance
19:51
didn't like what I would like now I dress very sexy and very professional but I show cleavage he didn't like that
19:57
so I would ask him I leave the house baby is this okay with you you know do you like this poppy you good with this
20:02
you all right with this and if he said no I would change if he said yeah then I would move forward with it but it's
20:08
about I like to submit because that's my way of showing My ultimate respect to
20:13
you meaning I I want to feel good and look good but not at the expense of you
20:19
feeling any type of way and if me dressing definitely reassures you my job when I Choose You is to reassure you
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that's not called an insecure man that's called a grown man who's communicating with his woman and is vulnerable enough
20:32
and safe enough with me to say that doesn't work for me and as a grown woman who is safe and secure enough to say
20:39
okay or can we negotiate it maybe I do like it but my goal to is to submit this
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isn't about being Pik me this is about being grown this is why our divorce rate is so high you know women don't know how
20:52
to submit and men are trying to run things and cover women who aren't used to being covered because they have daddy
20:58
issues and never been covered and so when he goes to cover you you say he's controlling you no he's covering you men
21:04
know what other men think and see H men know how other men move and he's your
21:10
man if he has a request you can do one or two things you can honor it or you can communicate about it what are
21:17
examples of controlling controlling is a man who's doing it from an egocentric perspective
21:22
that says I want you to do these things so I know I have power over you that's very different than saying baby we're
21:29
going to go in a room full of men and you have your breast out or you have a short skirt on and you are my woman I
21:36
don't want men viewing you in the same way that I view you I don't want you to leave without me and you run into men
21:43
who approach you and now you're in a problem or concern and you have to call me and now you're putting me at risk cuz
21:49
I'mma come in there and I'm going to shut the [Â __Â ] down for you so as a woman you have to know who you choose and I
21:55
say if I if I choose you I trust you and my thing is this by the time I I have a man and I'm committed I'm
22:02
dressing to feel good for myself first me second yes and my X fiance would say well baby who else are we trying to
22:09
impress when we leave this house and I would say daddy only you so then what do we talking about because when I'm with
22:16
him he's gassing me up I was sexy I was beautiful I was this you know I could walk across the room with my hair in a
22:22
bird's nest and some sweats in a tank and no bra and he's like oh we so if you
22:27
Gass me up at home then I'm good now for men who are turning you know a a blind
22:34
eye to your woman you're not giving her that love and pouring into her and she's doing it for attention she needs to sit
22:39
down and have a mature conversation with you and say baby you're not giving me enough attention and for the men who say
22:45
that's thirsty I say grow up M you should be thirsty for your woman yes she
22:51
should thirst tra for you if there's any place that we do all of these Pro provocative things it should be with our
22:57
husband and wives mhm I should be able to be a hoe with my husband M and it not
23:03
be anything that's oh my God I should be able to dress and while out with him in
23:08
any capacity I want to the safest place to do so the safest and he should be able to have his way with me in any
23:16
capacity as long as I authorize it and that's when you have a healthy marriage
23:21
a healthy relationship Dr Brian is here man I wo that's my girl right there part
23:28
one that's my we're doing a Dr Bryan series here on this show everybody okay
23:35
we going to come back man we got a we got a we got this our halftime show right now play some dead
23:41
prayers I'm not sure how it works other places but we like to do it live in the
23:47
moment Dr Brian is here psych psych psych psychology expert life coach
23:52
president of NAACP laa founder of the Dr bran Institute with these type of covers
23:58
a though Dr Bryant are you receiving more suitors do you feel like it has men
24:04
more magnetized towards you or is there a higher intimidation you know what I would say
24:10
that there is a higher intimidation men are more um passive
24:18
with their Pursuit Of Me Do I like that I don't I like a man who pursues me uh
24:26
very firm yeah um I don't like aggressive but very firm very I want you what's up can I have you and I'm not
24:33
talking sexual y'all I'm saying like I want you I want to date you I want to see you I want to commit to you what's
24:38
up I like that type of guy um but they've been more passive and I've
24:44
noticed that this part I don't like but I'm going to say with all humility a lot of men have most men have
24:51
felt like they're not good enough for me wow but as I continue to evolve and and
24:56
rise in my career and in within myself as a woman especially with me being in my choosing stage now they're really at
25:03
this space of uh I'm not good enough for you and that's where I as long as I've
25:09
been in my field as a psychology expert I have a I have a real challenge processing that because I don't see
25:16
anyone as inferior to me and so I constantly say can you tell me why you feel that way cuz I don't understand why
25:23
and it's this is not about we had this conversation outside the equally Yol thing this is not about Kanani Kanani we
25:28
had me and Kanani had this conversation outside he asked a really good question about equally yolked what he say and man
25:34
get on the mic man come on down try to be Lon you on
25:40
blast baby I'm sorry Lonnie light is a very mature 22y old what did you ask L
25:45
um no I said I I had I went on her Instagram and I was like doing my diligence um looking her up and stuff
25:51
like that and she I watched a clip of her talking about uh like what it means to be equally yolked in a a relationship
25:57
and she was explaining it to me yeah and I was telling him you know this is to our point that equally yolked is not
26:04
about someone being better worse inferior Superior equally yolked is about are we equally yolked in our
26:11
values in our vision right in our substance internally not externally and
26:16
I explained to him I said I'm a doctor I can easily become equally yolked with a
26:22
janitor I could be equally Yol with someone who is any type of career or title that is less than a doctor
26:28
attorney that just means he's my person that means that he sees me that means that exactly who he is not who I'm
26:35
teaching him to be does it for me it activates me it empowers me and he loves me down I can get with a doctor attorney
26:42
or an athlete and they can completely be the image and the ideology great look for my brand but they cannot be equally
26:49
yolked with me right and so people are choosing the idea which is their own ideology their fairy tale and they're
26:54
not choosing the person and what I say to you I said an idea does what it it'll change it'll fluctuate but a person we
27:01
may shift but we are who we are so when we fall in love with the person right
27:06
yes it's easier to stay with a person through the stuff cuz stuff is going to happen to anybody no relationship is
27:12
perfect but when you fall in love with your idea you never plug in you could take your idea and clothe anybody with
27:17
your idea so you're never in a real relationship you are only in that marriage or that idea not with that
27:24
person and that's dangerous right all of that on the walk from the from the lobby to the room that's why
27:31
you took so long Mike new I I see you over here just you know fascinated and quiet which normally doesn't happen yeah
27:38
this is my first time meeting you Dr bran and it's really good to hear your insights and how you think um you're
27:44
quite the vibe um when it comes to relationships I heard you talk about I'm quite I'm an active listener so when
27:50
you're were talking about um relationships and communication is the key I'm curious if you can give our
27:56
listeners uh some steps in terms of not everyone is that assured of their agency
28:03
um and their agency may not be strong enough to have the conversations that can be uncomfortable even if you do know
28:10
somebody for five years so what steps or tools or exercises can you give our
28:15
audience when they're inter in relationship they may want to commit longterm this is my forever person in
28:21
terms of how to have those uncomfortable but necessary uh conversations for a
28:26
great partnership see he may not talk much but when My Brother Talks God you you're you're on point with the perfect
28:33
question cuz you said tools and people need tools yeah let me say this though words don't teach experience does why am
28:40
I saying that because I can give people tools all day long just like information or knowledge is not power the
28:46
implementation of knowledge is power right so as I give you tools y'all you have to implement the tools so you get
28:52
the experience on how it feels how it's done and the results that it's given you if it gives you the results that you
28:57
want want run those same plays over and over again if it doesn't let's use a different tool let's use a different
29:02
blueprint how do you communicate when you're afraid you got to feel the fear and do it anyways you have to ask
29:08
yourself how bad do I want it you how many how many times I've had a community I had I caught off two weddings yeah
29:14
that wasn't easy I don't care how strong of a woman I am I was letting down his family my family myself I had to start
29:20
all over but I had to have those conversations with myself first right which is God for me and then I had to
29:27
just say this is going to hurt everybody and I'm going have to start over and I've been with this man all in
29:33
my 20s and I have to do it Frid afraid I have to do it broken I have to do it
29:38
confused 90% of whatever you're trying to do or wherever you're trying to get is in
29:44
action of getting there or doing it the 10% it happened after you do it and so
29:50
everything we want is an action word even patience is an action word even be still know that I'm God is still an
29:56
action word commun communication is something that we have to learn to do because we speak things into
30:03
existence and if we don't speak them into existence then what are we doing we're just existing that means that we
30:08
are alive but we're not living so we have to learn to have those hard conversations because what happens is everything we do becomes practice it
30:14
becomes momentum momentum goes either way that you do it so I can learn to communicate right and communication gets
30:21
me closer to what I want or I can learn to shut down and isolate and isolation breaths depression people who don't
30:27
communicate go dark because they internalize what they should be externalizing and you also have to ask
30:34
yourself is what I need to say worthy of
30:40
me internalizing this back to your food analogy me having to eat what I don't put out which means now I'm sick now I'm
30:47
depressed or is it worth me just hey and look this may turn to a conflict or confrontation that I would just be able
30:54
to hopefully regulate and exit if need be but I got it externalize what I'm internalizing and it's not about what
31:00
you're saying it's how you say it emotional intelligence is knowing how to say two things I identify what I
31:06
feel I process before I produce okay I feel upset okay great now what do you
31:12
want this person to know about you being upset I want you to know that you spoke on something that I didn't authorize you
31:17
to speak on and you're my best friend and that wasn't cool okay that's what you want us to know yes so how do you deliver that so they get the message and
31:23
not your emotion because see feelings cause problems not emotions so once I get in my feelings we already got a
31:29
problem then I'm reacting once I'm in my emotion I'm identifying listen I love you you're my best friend I'm in my
31:35
emotion you told something I asked you not to that hurt my feelings I'm still in my emotion can I ask you to not ever
31:42
do that again and can I trust you not to do it you say yes and I say can you commit to respecting my boundary I'm
31:49
still in my emotion I have yet to get in my feelings and my feelings is you on some BS I'm not with that you could have
31:57
did it differently you was waiting to to dog me you was waiting to throw me that's something in my and you're like whoa wasn't my
32:03
intent but knowledge of the person like the Bible says love your partner that just means anyone you're in a relationship with not just your romantic
32:09
partner by knowledge of them and knowledge means if I know you not my
32:15
idea of you if I know you guess what I will already know you slipped up on accident told my
32:20
business which happens I've had best friends for 26 years I'm going girl you know she's like
32:26
damn but I'm not mad because I know herh I know her that she would that's not her
32:32
she would have done it 20 years ago that's not her so knowledge gives us the ability to have compassion and Grace for
32:37
people yeah love it Dr Cheyenne briyan is here give out your social too po if you if you're not following her come on
32:44
you late what is it underscore Dr Bryant y uncore Dr Bryant we have um Nico on
32:50
the line we got a couple we got callers Dr Brian Nico we're going to do quick questions and and um brief answers so we
32:58
can get as many people as possible Nico welcome to the show how you doing in Orlando hey Nico I'm doing I'm I'm doing
33:05
good thank you everybody good morning I try to keep this brief um so I got newly
33:10
married about a month in now but we did it backwards had kids together bought a
33:15
house together then got married long story short I took a long I took a lot fun responsibility wise real quick and
33:24
uh I've been dealing with my stress by dring more than I should and and I try
33:30
my best to like I I wake up every day I'm not going to drink today but at some point I end up drinking and I go to bed
33:38
feeling a little disappointed like I'm letting my family down and she reaches out to me and she asks you know what can
33:44
I do to help and I don't know how to communicate you know because I'm paper
33:49
I'm taking care of all my business I'm a good father all that but I also know I could be better if I could stop drinking
33:58
and she'll ask me why why and I I just I don't know how to communicate the stresses that I have I feel like we have
34:05
different stresses she's a mother she's great at what she does I feel like I'm a good father but I could be better but
34:11
every time I go to have a drink even it's one or two I could tell I'm looked at kind of like in a negative light and
34:18
that makes me feel even worse about myself so like how do I you because she's my person she's my
34:26
best friend but there's times I'm like I don't she ask me why why do you do this
34:31
and I feel like I don't know I don't I don't know how to tell you what I'm feeling first of all Nico I want to tell
34:39
you thank you and I admire you for being so honest and so vulnerable about your
34:44
issue that is that just that's just a superpower to me I love that you did that so thank you um second off what you
34:53
described is you are a high functioning alcoholic and I'm putting that out there not to poke at you but we can't heal a
35:00
lie we can only heal the truth yeah so you're fine no I agree with that sometimes sometimes I'll drink
35:06
just to get like if I if I got a lot of work to get done that day but me for me a drink so I knock this workout and I
35:12
knock the workout right and so that's what I was going to say is it seems like drinking has become two things a soothing mechanism for you and a
35:20
norm so what I want you to do is I want you to take an inventory of what are the
35:25
healthy things that soothe you and I want you to reprogram yes so every time you think to have a drink I want you to
35:30
do that other thing that soothes you and if it your wife is part of what sooths you then I want you to invite her to be
35:37
a participant in that one two what is it that she can do be honest
35:45
and if it's nothing say that what is it that she can contribute to help you with your drinking
35:51
issue yeah yeah that I don't have answer the question you do have an
35:56
answer what is the first first thing that comes up what is it that she can do to help you whatever comes up bring it
36:02
up just say it
36:07
uh I come home from work the house is a disaster kids are going nut it's you
36:13
know I there's small things like that that just go a long way for me okay hold on I'm cut I'm cut you off no it's okay
36:19
I'mma cut you off on purpose okay my cutting off is love I promise so have
36:25
you communicate that to her yeah I have what was her
36:31
response she hears me but then it's a lot of well I did this to that did this to that I didn't have time to get to
36:38
that okay and I try to understand that okay you had a busy day I I get it yeah
36:43
I don't you know I don't try to hard on so hold on so you're not being heard and
36:50
you're not being seen and you said and you said you do you do your part from what I now correct me from wrong you
36:57
said you work you pay the bills you're doing your manly part right yeah and even and even if it El little context uh
37:04
our daughter biologically the our oldest child daughters biologically she's not
37:09
mine but but but she sees me as her father and I'm already in the process of
37:14
Legally adopting her all that um now our son is mine so it's just you know and
37:21
it's all happened last two and a half years I went from being single to married two kids bought a house it just
37:27
it happened real fast and I'm not complaining about I love where I'm at but wait hold on stop stop Nico stop
37:34
because you keep making sure that you disclaim that you're not complaining
37:40
about it you keep making that disclaimer what are you trying to
37:47
protect I just don't want to let the family down hold on you don't want to let the family down but you're not being
37:53
heard or seen in your house hold on you're self projecting you've been let
38:00
down and you're self projecting on them saying I don't want to let y'all down
38:06
because you've been let down and whatever pain you felt from being let down you're trying to protect her
38:14
from that's got real deep but you you but you listen while you're trying to
38:21
protect her you are demising your marriage okay because there's no one
38:28
person to protect in a marriage there's only two people who became one to protect there's a partnership to protect
38:36
so listen hear me out when you go to protect her and not yourself you are creating
38:42
separation when she goes to protect you and not herself or not y' collectively
38:47
she's creating separation A House Divided can't what can't stand your job is to say as a collective how do we
38:55
protect this partnership and part of that is you being a man
39:01
who's heard and seen you know a woman hearing you is
39:06
respect a woman seeing you is respect so you're not complaining you're
39:14
asking to be respected so how does he what would you
39:19
suggest um how does he go about it when it appears that he's brought these things up to his wife how would you say
39:26
suggest he go if him communicating isn't you know penetrating with her then you
39:32
have to y'all have to seek um therapy you have to get someone who can actually help um process what you're saying to
39:39
her so that she can hear your message and let me say this if she's a fatherless
39:46
girl she's not hearing you she's hearing her trauma so every time you speak to
39:53
her about the house not being clean or something that you need her to do more or be better at she hears the little girl in her say I
40:00
told you you weren't good enough her trauma eclipsed what you're saying
40:05
that's called a trauma episode and if her trauma's talking to her not her husband she damn sure is not going to
40:12
hear you yeah I never thought about that way sometimes we get arguments and my thing
40:18
is like what am I my main question am I what I'm doing is that not enough that's
40:23
where my look my frustration comes from at time but I never thought about it how you just put it so but listen to me it's
40:30
not that and I can't speak for her but from what I'm hearing it's not that you're not doing enough we talked about
40:36
this early in the show if you're giving her 10 and she's only able to receive a
40:41
three or a four that means you're a gallon and she's a pint that means that when you're pouring your whole tin into
40:47
her three or four her pint you're overflowing her she's overwhelmed and when she pours her pint into your gallon
40:55
baby you're not filled up that's not equally y doesn't mean she's
41:00
not your person it means y'all have work to do Nico Nico I'm I'mma have to uh
41:07
this session has to come yeah I know yeah it's a hourly thing hey but listen
41:15
Nico this is live but it's on this sxm app I would play this conversation back
41:22
would you suggest that like I would play it back I love that so you I told you sway God
41:30
appreciate I appreciate all y'all for real a long time list man that's love
41:36
brother Nico good luck man go and have that conversation and I want to offer that you love yourself enough to trust
41:42
yourself to be able to be respected and heard in your household n AB you all those beautiful kids and your lovely
41:49
wife you are all citizens of sway the morning my man have a beautiful day all right wow man let's give her a round of
41:55
applause man we only got so much time in the day myop Standing Ovation Dr bran
42:00
here Dr Brant man Dr Brant you need like 100 serious extemp subscriptions to
42:06
match the value that Dr Brian more than that man Mona La says does she have a
42:12
book I don't I Mona are you there Mona Mona yes I am hi
42:17
[Music] Mona beauti how are you hey sis I'm wonderful love
42:23
you're I hear you empowering human if that makes sense you know what
42:30
I mean the things that you're saying is not just empowering the relationship but it's empowering individuals and if you
42:37
listen and you take he you could be such a better person I love what you're saying it's I do stand up comedy and so
42:44
I tried the mic is a powerful instrument so I try to use it to educate because we are so uneducated as a as an
42:51
African-Americans we're so uneducated we got a smartphone I am and it's still walking on D so iy to put the together
42:58
you know what I mean ma up let's get smarter let's do better you know what I mean let's think better and if you're
43:04
doing the same thing you can't expect a different outcome there you go Insanity right Mona you have a book Dr Brian yeah
43:11
I do my book is mental detox it's on Amazon Barnes & Noble online it's the
43:17
bestseller again it was a bestseller in 2014 okay okay we see you and so you
43:23
yeah you can get on Amazon you can get it anywhere um and we're actually doing a vision of it where we're adding a
43:28
workbook component to it and so it's going to go from 100 pages to 200 pages and it'll be um this June 2025 the new
43:36
version of it with the workbook opponent to be in it but you can go get me into detox now that's awesome Mona you a citizen I'm take one more call he claims
43:43
he knows you he goes by the name of Jose Jose Jose in DC what up Jose hey hey how
43:50
you know Dr BR how yall doing excellent how how do you know Dr Bryan I'm I'm G
43:55
let Dr Bryan say how she know me [Laughter] Jose that laugh right there I know about
44:01
that like I don't know about that laugh how do I know you baby give give me give me some Clues so so we're on a podcast
44:08
together you know uh Miss I'm I'm a executive detector from one of the uh podcast members I won't name any names
44:15
but Dr Bry knows you from a podcast what podcast there's no secrets here what
44:21
what podcast so you know we on TC together tonight's conversation
44:27
what no you know what just what's going on he
44:35
baby Dr come on give it up Dr how's she sound today how it sound today sound great yes
44:44
I wasn't trying to give up anything but this her show this her thing man and she sent chills through my body she was
44:49
saying and you know she's a great woman man ever get chance to like the people
44:54
who get the chance like me to actually sit on a talk to her on a on a personal level and just one onone oh my gosh it's
45:02
incredible wow and I appreciate her for everything she does um just a great
45:07
woman man I had to give her her flowers while she was let me tell you this Jose Jose I love him Jose is about
45:13
75 3 something pounds tank and know let me whenever we together I am not safe
45:21
I'm safe safe am I not Jose yes he is yes you are you super safe with me I
45:27
love you man thank you for calling I love you yes I appreciate you guys man I
45:32
appreciate all y'all man y' got the hell of a show I want to say that wow thank you I listen to you guys every day and
45:40
all of you guys need your flowers too because black history is you wow I appreciate y'all and we we we Embrace
45:46
those flowers we'll take the whole garden Jose and we appreciate that man hopefully we'll cross paths one day
45:52
brother you're a super citizen get that up get that up get that up all right Brian thank you I hope you
45:58
enjoyed your stay as much as we did and then you are always welcome to come back Jose kind of scared me he did that laugh
46:05
I said wait a minute Jose Jose what we do you know you single now the stories
46:11
can come out yeah you one them weddings I called off Jose
46:18
no that's my boy though I love him um you grew up in La I am everything La yes
46:24
did you ever before you go did you you ever have um and I mean how did you not fall into gang culture was it not in
46:31
your in your area or what my father is the you know founding members of the
46:37
biggest pyru blood gang in Los Angeles so I mean my dad was a street dude a straight gangster um we grew up with you
46:45
know pistols in the house couldn't walk in the house until we checked the whole house with a pistol he was one of the biggest drug dealers from state to state
46:52
um he's no longer that's why we could talk about it went to jail for murder when I was uh two beat the case came out
47:00
and then the story goes from there but yeah so I was I'm a product of a street guy product of it right I'm a proud
47:06
product of a street guy life wouldn't have been as amazing as it was without being that product and because of that
47:12
product is why I'm able to have uh such a broad you know repertoire of things that I can talk about and talk to I'm
47:19
not speaking from a book I speak from experience and so I seen a lot my dad was a womanizer the best father ever mhm
47:26
but he had he has six of us by five women product of a street guy go yeah product of and you say that with the
47:32
most pride ever though right well most people when they think about that lifestyle they they demean it you know
47:38
they frown on it and it's because you know not everybody's blessed to have a father who's in that lifestyle but he's
47:44
a daddy yeah so I seen him womanized women that doesn't mean abuse that means he had multiple women he sleeping with
47:50
having kids with and I had him be able to sit in front of me and say if you meet a man who looks like me smells like
47:55
me thinks like me run because he's going to end up dead or in jail um don't date anything like me he
48:02
said if you get a man who can father like me you're lucky but if you get a man who's anything like me run don't
48:08
bring him home and I was able to openly tell my father know we got a rap father I don't like that you got all these kids
48:14
by all these women and he said baby I'm happy you don't like it please don't get anything like it since you don't like it
48:20
so with me I had a father who spoiled me he loved on me he taught me the game we were best friends very close bought me
48:26
my my first car gave my first ring on my ring finger you know so I had all these
48:31
first with a father who um was my first love and a lot of young girls get
48:37
fathers who choose the streets over me and my father said listen you know and in his words y'all now may he's a street
48:43
guy he said there's no hoe or no streets that ever come before you and I told him
48:49
the streets I agree with but a woman I don't cuz if you end up married and have a wife I believe she comes before us mhm
48:56
and he said those are your beliefs let your husband do that with you them ain't my beliefs perod he said I wasn't meant
49:03
to be a husband I was meant to be a father wow he man shout out to Dr Bryan's dad all right all right thank
49:09
you for sharing that I appreciate that Dr Brian is here Dr Cheyenne Brian is here make sure you follow her that's
49:16
uncore Dr Brian all right uh man what a great day
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